How to Make Not Drinking at Social Events Not Awkward
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Sometimes not drinking seems like a bigger deal in your own head than in reality.
It may seem like a big deal because so much of our social interactions focus on eating and drinking. This is likely exacerbated if you are living in a city, are single, and/or do not have children. But guess what? You can do these interactions sober (not to mention, there are plenty of options that allow you to bond with other people that does not involve alcohol…but more on that later).
The two biggest tips I’ve learned from two years of minimal social drinking are:
Set expectations in advance.
Let your friends know you won’t be drinking in advance.
Don’t be surprised when someone else also isn’t drinking.
I think we don’t notice whether people aren’t drinking unless we aren’t drinking.
BYOB.
There are tons of great nonalcoholic options these days (that come in cute packaging) - bring it with you to a BYO or to a party so that you can still indulge without the booze!
(If you are interested in trying nonalcoholic options but don’t know where to start and what is good, read my post about The Next Generation of Faux Cocktails!)
To show you that this in straight away with two scenarios that are traditionally fraught with drunkenness that I have done alcohol-free and still enjoyed. I am talking about a bachelorette and an NFL game, both (almost) alcohol-free, and both (completely) amazing.
Several months ago, a close friend was having her bachelorette party back in Chicago. This was going to be the first bachelorette where I would be sober, so I was curious as to how it would go. Well, unsurprisingly, it was really fun! It didn’t matter that I wasn’t drinking (in fact, no one was really getting drunk), because we were just enjoying Chicago!
After dinner we did a ghost tour/pub crawl (where I did indulge in one glass of vino), then I went home afterward because I had an early flight the next morning. That I also means I missed any late night drinking games (and there’s nothing wrong with that occasionally, of course, but I wasn’t looking for more alcohol that night). This means that I got the social interaction and fun without the hangover the next day, which is really the best of both worlds.
A second story to illustrate how you can stay sober at an alcohol-focused even was a Steelers game. A friend invited me to the Steelers home opener (IN THE SIXTH ROW!!!), so clearly I went. It was approximately 700 degrees that day, and being so close meant we had no shade. I drank so much water that it was ridiculous, and it actually nauseated me to see the people getting wrecked on beer in that heat in humidity (oh the hangovers that must have occurred).
Now, if you have ever been to a football game, and in particular a Steelers game, you will understand that tailgaiting and beer are very traditional activities for the game. However, when you are really into the game and screaming and swearing at the refs, you really don’t need a beer. It’s an incredible experience in its own right meaning alcohol is not a necessity.
Here I learned that one of the most traditionally alcohol-fueled events can be done – in a fun way – sober.
The key to both of these events that made them not awkward for me in abstaining is that I let people know in advance that I was not going to be drinking. And just like that, I set some expectations, and it was not weird.
So having been through this (as so many of us have!), I can confirm that it is not a huge deal if you want to stick to non-alcoholic beverages at dinner or at book club or at whatever event you find yourself. You’ll be surprised how many people will feel more comfortable not drinking as well because now they won’t be the only one. Sometimes it just takes one person to turn down the wine to start a chain reaction, quite frankly.
With that being said, the best suggestion I have is to let your friend (or friends) know beforehand so that it doesn’t become a thing at dinner (or wherever it is). Not that people are trying to get you to drink, but we have all hear the “oh, only one glass!” thing from a well-intentioned friend.
But a quick text before the event with “hey, I don’t want to make this an issue, but I have an early morning tomorrow so am sticking to mocktails” prevents most attempts to convince you otherwise. Usually the response is “okay, I can’t wait to see you,” and that’s that. Sometimes you’ll also get “that’s great – I don’t want to get drunk tonight either.” So there you go – another sober(ish) buddy!
So to recap, the threeo biggest things I have learned about not feeling awkward not drinking or stopping at one are:
1. Just set expectations up-front – let one or two people know before that it is a sober night for you.
2. Chances are at least one other person will follow suit because he or she did not want to get wasted either.
Once I started doing more social things sober, the more these three things repeat themselves, so that now I don’t even question it being weird to not drink. It’s actually quite lovely and can make the night better (no wine headaches or embarrassing moments you are sure to regret tomorrow).
These three things have just continued to reinforce abstaining from (or limiting) alcohol at social events. And each time you do it, it becomes more second nature and normal to do so.
Yes, that is correct. Not drinking becomes a habit. That means each time you do it, it becomes more an expectation that you won’t drink than that you will.
It is probably important to address the idea of FOMO here. You might be afraid you will be missing out. I can assure you that no, you are missing out on nothing by not being drunk.
The worst case scenario is that you go home early. You still got to see your friends, but you just left at 10:00 versus at 2:00. Are you really afraid of missing out of whatever is happening at 1:00 in the morning? Chances are nothing good is happening after midnight, so if you did miss anything, it’s good that you did. Also, after you have a good workout and work through half your to-do list before you would have gotten up otherwise, you will regret nothing about your choice!
How about we take this up a notch? Another way to avoid this entirely is to plan time with friends that are not focused on eating and drinking!
A friend and I discussed this yeeeears ago because we didn’t just want to catch up over wine. We actually just wanted to talk to each other! And as two fairly active people looking to squeeze as much as we could out of the shortened time frame of pleasant Chicago weather, we started meeting to go for walks instead of happy hours.
To remind myself that I’m doing the best thing for my body and prevent caving willpower, I like to book a workout class or a coffee date the next morning to keep me accountable. If I know I have somewhere to be (somewhere I want to be, more importantly), I’ll likely stick to my guns and stay sober. This way you can enjoy your night and also have something to look forward to the next day.
3. Bring your own non-alcoholic drink options.
This does not mean a case of Diet Coke! These days there are a lot of delicious alternatives, including sparkling rose! So if you are going to a friend’s house or hosting at your place, bring/have on hand some of these things!
I love nanobar, which has an entire collection of different types of nonalcoholic drinks. If you are sober curious, you can try a starter pack to see what you like (and what you don’t) - click here to search the different varieties. You’ll quickly learn that fancy nonalcoholic drinks are cheaper than bottles of wine!
To remind myself that I’m doing the best thing for my body and prevent caving willpower, I like to book a workout class or a coffee date the next morning to keep me accountable. If I know I have somewhere to be (somewhere I want to be, more importantly), I’ll likely stick to my guns and stay sober. This way you can enjoy your night and also have something to look forward to the next day.
I hope these tips and stories help you feel less awkward about not drinking! Because truly, it isn’t a big deal. You know how it became expected to be social over cocktails and dinner? Because we did it over and over again. Well it works the same way in the reverse. The less often you consume booze at social events, or better yet, plan activities that don’t involve it, the more expected it is to not drink socially.
And that’s quite lovely too. Your wallet, your waistline, and your liver all thank you.
If you would like to take a break from drinking – whether it is for a week, a month, or in perpetuity – I have a bunch of posts that can help you in learning the benefits, including my story of surviving a level 5 emergency room admission, how babying your liver unlocks maximum weight loss potential, and the physical, mental, and emotional benefits of curbing your alcohol intake.
If you are looking for an added boost for your liver, sign up for my FREE 3-Day Liver Reset Meal Plan, which includes the actual meals that helped me rebound from almost death and rebuild my body to the healthiest it has ever been at 40 years old!
